How Do You Handle Things That Don’t Go Your Way?

Author: Laura Petracek

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At some point in our recovery, we must cope with pain and distress. Our pain can feel overwhelming at times. When we’re in emotional pain, the dimensions of time disappear. Even though it may seem overwhelming and unbearable, you can learn how to accept and tolerate distress with the help of distress tolerance skills from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). With this approach, you can learn how to handle difficult situations with greater strength and resilience, rather than turning to negative behaviors. With the right support, you can find ways to manage the pain you may encounter and come out to the other side feeling better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

There are two types of distress tolerance skills: crisis survival skills and radical acceptance. Crisis survival skills involve learning how to ride out an overwhelming situation, while radical acceptance helps us reduce misery and suffering by accepting life as it is.

Radical Acceptance
When you choose to radically accept a situation, that doesn't mean you have to remain stuck in it. It means you are owning your experience and making the choice to do what is most effective for you. It is a way of letting go so you can move on with your life, knowing that you can take positive steps to make positive change. You can choose to radically accept a situation while also working to change it - that's how we find balance and growth.
A common example of radical acceptance is learning to accept a rainy day. Instead of getting caught up in all the negative emotions that come with bad weather, you simply accept that it's raining and move on.

Crisis Survival 
One of recovery's biggest challenges is learning not to act on our urges. Crisis survival skills help the alcoholic or addict navigate a challenging situation without worsening it. In a crisis, it's important to have survival skills that can help you get through the tough times. When you're in pain, it's easy to make decisions based on emotion that will only make things worse. If you're feeling overwhelmed, but still have demands that need to be met, it's important to stay calm and motivated to resolve the issue.

Here are some examples of crisis survival skills:

• Leaving the situation
• Distracting yourself with activities
• Self-soothing behaviors
• Thinking it through, imagining you did pick up a drink or a drug
• Breathing and muscle relaxation.

However, it's important to only use crisis survival skills during an actual crisis. If you're just trying to deal with a difficult situation or emotion, then you should use emotional regulation skills instead. Crisis situations can be really tough to manage, but with the right skills you can get through them.

About the Author: 
​Laura Petracek, Ph.D., LCSW, is the author of The DBT Workbook for Alcohol and Drug Addiction and The Anger Workbook for Women. ​
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